BREAKING NEWS: Be on the look out for this baby! She is armed and dangerous! She can be sweet and charming. DO NOT BE FOOLED! This face means mischief. The sweeter it is, the worse trouble she is in! She has already struck one household in Maricopa, AZ.
Statements were taken by one of her victims, the identity of which is confidential to protect the innocent.
"I woke up this morning to this baby girl greeting me with sweet little kisses. The next thing I know she is in my lap with the T.V. remote in her hands. I mean, who does that? I was watching the news! I know now that it was a distraction.
"Anyway, she looked at me with these big, innocent brown eyes and a partially toothy grin, so I caved and settled in to watch morning cartoons with her.
"Then it became time to get ready for the day. I got her and my two other kids dressed, and prepared a lunch for each of them. While they were eating lunch, I thought I would slip away and take a quick shower. When I came out I was met with this:
"It's the most heinous thing I'd ever seen! I was only able to snap a couple of quick pictures before she took off running!"
So there you have it. The whereabouts of this baby are unknown, though she was last seen in Tempe. We expect that she will return to Maricopa. Please be on the lookout, and call authorities if you see this baby. If you do cross paths, do not engage!
Here are her most recent mugshots:
We're relying on you! With your help, we can catch this baby and make this country a safer place!
